31/07/2026

today was the funeral. her passing has affected me very deeply. it was a nice funeral.
I'm glad to be alive and to experience the sun, the wind, and trees. i will watch a movie later on the cinema. it is what she would have wanted, to be happy.
It is scary when i open up my old socials to see that someone I blocked renamed themselves as my one sonas name with "phobic" at the end, before closing the account... I wonder if they want me to kill myself?... it is truly inhumane to wish something like that upon anyone, and i am stronger than they think.

30/07/2026

average screen time has dropped by 3 hours since it happened. hopefully next week it will drop by 2 more. and the week after, hopefully even more. i want my phone screentime to be no more than 20 minutes a day, it is clear to me that phones are evil. my laptop i only use for neocities or schoolwork, so i don't mind spending more time here.

overall I feel: calm, happy, relaxed... free. i feel like i am allowed to be myself again, like i am allowed to exist as a human with independant thoughts and feelings and not need to explain them to anyone, and it is so, so relaxing.
tomorrow is the funeral...it still doesn't feel real that she is gone. It really has affected my entire outlook on life. it really made it clear to me that it's the lives i see every day in the real true world are the ones that actually matter. I went to church, to thank the Universe for saving my father, i cried the whole way through, quietly. overall, things are going for the better. I am so thankful to be alive in a beautiful world.